MAN’S BEST FRIEND

One takes a chunk of Jaws, adds a slice of Terminator, and sprinkles a few bits of Rin Tin Tin on top. The proud result: Man’s Best Friend. And it goes like this: after years of genetic engineering, our sadistic friends at the FBI have bred the ultimate pit bull: Max. He bites off heads, sends Sergei Boebka into early retirement, and accelerates faster than a Japanese superbike. Max is the ideal wet dream of every dictator devoted to the sacred interests of the free market. As long as the animal is slurping up its daily hormonal fruit pudding, it remains a good woof, but as soon as the feeding stops… You guessed it, our little dog will freak out, thanks to Lori Tanaka, local Gaia representative. She is outraged when, attracted by rumours of animal abuse in the university’s research lab, she finds Max chained up. Lori frees the animal and takes him lovingly into her home. Because the outside world must not know about the unsavoury practices of the FBI, the disappearance is not made public. It is therefore to be hoped that Max is found before the chemicals in his body begin to ferment. Or wouldn’t it be much more interesting to see what a superdog is capable of tearing apart, mutilating and destroying.

What more is there to say? This is madcap fun, written and directed by John Lafia and with special effects by Kevin Yagher (Nightmare on Elm Street 4, Child’s Play 2 & 3). Dog lovers are only allowed into the theatre with a muzzle.