China and surrounding countries during the Song dynasty, sometime between the tenth and the thirteenth century: a Mongolian football team made up of freaks with superpowers challenges teams from neighboring countries to a soccer game. The defeated are systematically forced to give up their land (a nice alternative for wars of conquest, don’t you think?). One day, the Mongolians publicly challenge the Song to a match. The Song Emperor, not willing to lose face, is left with no choice but to accept the challenge. A nationwide competition is held to scout for the best players. The patriotic princess Chang Ping leaves the safe environment of the imperial palace to form a squad comprising the eight greatest martial arts sects. Finally, the first international football match on Chinese soil can take place… “Football is the extension of war by other means,” that seems to be the motto of the historical football comedy Soccer Killer. Hong Kong director Jeffrey Lau (better known for his Chinese Odyssey franchise) stages the comic tricks of his star players… I mean actors as if he were the Zhang Yimou of Hero and House of Flying Daggers shooting a remake of Shaolin Soccer !